Niim42
95 Watchers226 Deviations
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Newest
NEW PROFILE
2 min read
Goodness, yes bring on the pain I know I deserve it for abandoning all you wonderful people. But wow. Life is hectic. And hard. I'm a manager now at work haha wow those days when I was fighting for that unofficial promotion. Stuff is not as easy as it was then. Am I even really here pffttt who knows. I've moved around a bit, I've gone through multiple existential crisis' <-- how spell, wat? *slaps self* I dunno if I mentioned that I have tattoos now..did I? just a couple but there'll be more to come.
I've been swallowed and utterly destroyed by the Welcome to Night Vale Fandom.
let's not discuss that. Homestuck was bad enough.
Anyway I'm here to actually depart from this profile because let's face it. The anxiety and guilt of facing the overflowing notifications is only making me back away. There are too many conversations left unresponded to and I just don't have the mental energy to pursue them. So I decided I'd be happier and more at ease to start a new account and hopefully chill the hell out a bit. If there's anyone here still interested in my art then I'd love you to come check out my new profile at www.4Niim2.deviantart.com seriously guys it's been so long I don't even remember how to properly post a link D:
Well guys I'll be floating around somewhere in the vast and meaningless expanse that is the universe. Love you all and hope you're doing well and drawing like maniacs!! <3
I've been swallowed and utterly destroyed by the Welcome to Night Vale Fandom.
let's not discuss that. Homestuck was bad enough.
Anyway I'm here to actually depart from this profile because let's face it. The anxiety and guilt of facing the overflowing notifications is only making me back away. There are too many conversations left unresponded to and I just don't have the mental energy to pursue them. So I decided I'd be happier and more at ease to start a new account and hopefully chill the hell out a bit. If there's anyone here still interested in my art then I'd love you to come check out my new profile at www.4Niim2.deviantart.com seriously guys it's been so long I don't even remember how to properly post a link D:
Well guys I'll be floating around somewhere in the vast and meaningless expanse that is the universe. Love you all and hope you're doing well and drawing like maniacs!! <3
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sup.
2 min read
Heya, so, obviously I haven't been here at all for a long time and honestly I probably won't be back properly, ever. I would like to start up posting things again every now and then but it certainly won't be as often. I just don't have the time or motivation to really go in depth with the social-ness of this site and for that I apologise to the people I've gotten to know on here. I have bought a puppy (that's full time work srsly guyz) moved house (there's now Krysti-the-Roomie as well) and I'm aiming to eventually become a full time assistant manager where I work, though that is not yet a certainty. Those things plus just being in a state on mind where I can't focus much on DA is reason enough for me not to use the site much anymore. You all are lovely though, I hope you all continue with your art and improvements and thank you everyone for all the support you guys have given me. While I do want to post things every now and then, basically just don't be surprised anymore if I either don't reply, take forever or disappear altogether. While I feel rude saying that, I can't help but still feel that using DA should be for my enjoyment and not to feel like there are any expectations of myself here.
Hopefully I'll see some familiar faces around when I make the effort to login though I'm just going to take it easy and go at my own pace from now on rather than attempting to reply to a hundred old messages.
I hope you guys don't hate me <3 see you round.
Hopefully I'll see some familiar faces around when I make the effort to login though I'm just going to take it easy and go at my own pace from now on rather than attempting to reply to a hundred old messages.
I hope you guys don't hate me <3 see you round.
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PESTERCHUM ANYONE?
1 min read
ok so one more thing. sorry. I have acquired Pesterchum~!! but I have a total of ZERO chums so if there are any Homestucks out there who don't mind speaking to an awkward and somewhat antisocial person (who really shouldn't be allowed to use any kind of social networking) then feel free to add me.
My chumhandle is obliviousObserver
love from,,, some random, mentally unstable homestuck <3
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Hm. I see.
1 min read
Please disregard all previous, pointless, ranting, vague and nonsensical journal entries. Aaaand no i'm not back..i'm still wallowing in fanfiction and a lack of human contact <3
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why am i here
6 min read
no really. why. i probably will just disappear again two seconds after this is written. yes, i know, i am horrible. forgive me. or not.
So yeah, I dunno what's with the lack of motivation, perhaps I will get back here and reply to people eventually. But honestly at the rate I'm going it's quite possible that I may disappear again for, well...a long time at least, I may not even reply to messages right now, the only reason this is being written is due to feels and a lack of a personal diary :/ but there's bound to be a time when I feel social again and may return but, really, right now..nope.
So as always. apologies for those who deserve or have been waiting for messages or replies. Especially one person in particular, I know it's been really shitty of me to just be silent forever. I'm just not in a state to give any fucks as harsh as that may be. you are all wonderful, amazing people don't get me wrong. it's a case of the cliche..it's not you...it's me. *mentally slaps self* ohgodstoptalking.
well now..what did I come here for..oh yes. to vaguely express complex emotions in a slightly uncomfortable and whiny manner.
what.is.wrong.with.me.
so the thing is I'm really at a loss of what the hell I'm doing in life. I need to talk to people, be social, advance my tiny existence. Though as much as I am aware of this I really don't want to. I wanna curl up with my computer and never leave my house. (wow it's been three days without work and this is how I get) well actually this is how I always am but the long weekend and heat is still getting to me. and this is coming from the last person in the universe who would ever be picked to be a workaholic. trust me. it's just that I have really not much else at the moment. My Moirail 
is currently in europe having the time of her life and fulfilling everything she could want, my best friend and another good friend are due to leave to indonesia for a month quite soon and well frankly other than my job and my computer I literally have nothing else. which..sort of leads to this thought I keep having which is the main thing contributing to my feels.
is currently in europe having the time of her life and fulfilling everything she could want, my best friend and another good friend are due to leave to indonesia for a month quite soon and well frankly other than my job and my computer I literally have nothing else. which..sort of leads to this thought I keep having which is the main thing contributing to my feels. I think I'm just waiting until I'm not needed anymore by the two people most important to me. And then I'll have nothing worthwhile anymore..besides perhaps my job o_o
ok I guess I didn't explain how I made that connection. well, I guess just thinking about the two of them, while Dallas the Flatmate and I always say how we think we'll just be mooching off each other forever because only we can really deal with each other. I can still see quite clearly the drive and potential she has that I so obviously lack. even if at this point in time it's only obvious through her social life, it's still the very thing that will lead her to knew friends and knew opportunities. I can see her becoming either a police woman or a stewardess and with the rate she's meeting new people she's bound to find someone worth "getting with" eventually. then well, we'll still be best friends most likely but she'll have other things that don't concern me any more.
And that's basically the same for my Moirail. Except that her time to move out in the world and become something incredible is probably even closer and more accessible. and really I know I won't be as needed by these people as perhaps I am now or maybe even was. Frankly I know it's selfish and needy to want to still be needed by them since that would only hold them back from achieving in life and I really do want to be able to just cheer them on and be so proud and happy for them, but yeah I guess it's just the lack of knowing what I want myself that makes me somewhat jealous and fearful :/
I know the answer would be to make some decisions, set some goals, try to actually make something of myself instead of waiting around. but at the same time, I don't want to meet new people, I don't want to move on from these friends because I think I know that they may be the best and most strongly bonded friends I'll ever have. Really. I don't make friends easily, at least, not friends as close as these two. It's not something I take lightly. How I made them in the first place, god only knows.
And so basically I'm just thinking about how I would rather spend the rest of my life with these two than broaden my horizons, which yes, I am aware is really pathetic, but honestly I wouldn't know how even if I wanted to.
and there's one or two other things going through my head which confuse me as well and I actually don't want to write them here because they are too far out of my understanding and they may involve....UGH the amount of time i wrote and deleted this sentence because I contemplated revealing more. but nope. goodbye. i'll just drown in my feels. I can't risk writing everything online.
oh wow I'll look at this tomorrow and wonder why I was acting so strange and emotional. That's actually a trait of my personality type if you would believe.
uh so yeah. good job if anyone bothered to read this, I'm not really looking for consolation either by the way. just venting, the only way I could think how since I don't want to bother my Moirail right now..and well..other reasons. though frankly if you got this far I'm a little worried. You must have very little entertainment. congrats I guess.
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